Patiño’s Lores and Myths: Godzilla vs. Kong (2020)

Kong headbutts Godzilla during an underwater fight.

I repeat.

King Kong. Headbutts. Godzilla. Underwater!

Oh God, YES.

We’ve come to it, at last, dear reader. The culmination of the Monsterverse, the showdown of the ages, the big fish! Godzilla vs. Kong, directed by Adam Wingard and starring a bunch of humans. Who are they, why should we care? It doesn’t matter! The title is the reason you, your mother and the milkman are here. It’s the movie’s promise. And, folks. It absolutely, one hundred percent lives up to that promise!

Yeah, I’m not going to dance around it, friends. This movie is fantastic! It’s rock ‘n roll! I unironically love it. There. You can jump off this review now if you want. Go! Watch it! Embrace it! Love it, as I love all of you.

In all seriousness, though, this movie is precisely the title and doesn’t try to be more than that. It’s a spectacle: a blue ribbon, neon saturated, synthwave Wrestlemania championship main event. It’s Ali vs. Tyson. The dream bout nerds have been salivating for. And when the film’s focus stays on its titular Titans, the flick is a blockbuster of the highest order. Everything else around them is so-so, but that’s par for the course. And I’m okay with that. It’s Godzilla vs. Kong!

There does need to be a semblance of a story, and this one isn’t half bad. Godzilla is on a rampage. No one knows why, and the humans are in dire need of a weapon to even the odds. Dr. Nathan Lind (Alexander Skarsgard) must now lead a crew into the Hollow Earth, a pocket dimension in the Earth’s core and the birthplace of the Titans. There they might be able to harness an energy source capable of destroying Godzilla. To get there, however, they’ll need Kong to lead the way. Being another Alpha monster, Dr. Ilene Andrews (Rebecca Hall) and the Monarch organization know that once Kong comes off Skull Island, Godzilla will lock onto him. But for humanity’s sake, they need Kong! Luckily for us, Kong has bonded with young Jia (Kaylee Hottle), the last surviving member of Skull Island’s native people. He fights for her, and she guides him. So off they all go to the Hollow Earth to save humanity and face destiny in the form of one titanic, atomic-powered iguana.

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Sigh: A Review of “Blair Witch”

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I can say with certainty that I’ve never had a more frightening experience watching a film than the first time I saw The Blair Witch Project. Revolutionary in its time for its found-footage camera style and unique ad campaign, the 1999 original is widely considered one of the most influential horror films ever made. It’s a film that I hold a deep respect for, and I even regard it as one of my all-time favorite horror films.

Now, 17 years later, director Adam Wingard and writer Simon Barrett attempt to revitalize the legacy of the series with a new film simply entitled Blair Witch. Being a massive fan of the original film and the previous collaborations of Wingard and Barrett (which includes You’re Next and The Guest), I was ecstatic going into Blair Witch. As much as I hate to say it, though, Blair Witch comes off as nothing more than a soulless, uninspired, and even somewhat disrespectful retread of the original rather than a worthy successor.

Blair Witch is set in 2014, picking up 20 years after the events of the original. Our lead here, James (James Allen McCune), is the younger brother of the lead that went missing in Project. In the film’s fiction, the tapes that Heather and her crew shot those 20 years prior were found and released for public consumption, and ever since, James has been obsessed with his sister’s disappearance.

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