Mark’s Awesome Word of the Week

gaumless / gormless

Invariably, you’ll come across individuals who—frankly—fail to impress. These thick-headed dolts seem incapable of grasping the most fundamental of concepts, and one is tempted to wonder how they make it through the day without considerable assistance.

Of course, we’re not speaking of those who are legitimately, medically handicapped. No; referred to here are the far more irritating and obtrusive category of persons who, despite being grown, mature, and ostensibly responsible adults, are always a little slow on the uptake and seem given to moping about in a constant stupor born of having no greater aspirations than catching up on the latest McDonald’s inventions, whose lives are so fruitlessly devoid of inspiration that the highlight of their day is going home to fart on the sofa while watching so-called “reality” television programs about the hardships endured by cross-dressing diesel-engine mechanics in some backwoods swampland trailer park. These are not individuals whom one wants to run for senate or whom, in all likelihood, possess the intellectual wherewithal necessary for such responsibilities.

We refer to these people as gaumless. The word is both written and pronounced in two different but similar variants, the first shown above. The other is gormless. Whether pronounced “gawm-less” or “gohrm-less”, the word’s meaning remains the same: lacking in vitality and intelligence; clumsy and dull; having the intellect, personality, and alacrity of a bacterium.

Gaumless (and gormless) are chiefly of British derivation, but they sound slightly more sophisticated than their American counterparts (consider “blockhead”, “idiot”, and “simpleton”), which makes them ideal for using around gaumless individuals.

Editor’s Note: This post was written by Mark Jacobs. Mark is the The Jet Fuel Review’s prose editor. He is an Aviation major, but the left side of his brain is an avid writer. Mark is a junior and works a few hours a week as a tutor in the Writing Center.

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